


Modern Day Assassin

by QuillMind



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Modern Era, One Shot, dumpster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 07:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7424779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuillMind/pseuds/QuillMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place during AC3, but no real story spoilers. Desmond is in the city searching for a power cell, and needs to make a Leap of Faith from a building. But what do Assassins land in in contemporary times as opposed to hay bales? Technically might merit higher than a T rating for the sake of language. Oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Modern Day Assassin

* * *

The wind whistled past Desmond's ears as he made his way up the skyscraper. To some, scaling a building at such heights would be terrifying and tiresome, but to Desmond it was elating. Considering the amount of time he spent lying in the Animus, any and every opportunity to go outside and get some physical exercise was a boon to him.

Rebecca's voice called into his ear. _"How you doing, Desmond?"_

"Almost at the top," he replied. Their most recent foray into retrieving one of the Grand Temple's power cells had led him to the city. Fortunately there had been few guards present, and Desmond was able to get in and out relatively quickly, his prize safely tucked in his bag.

_"All right, when you get there, head to the north corner. There's a safe spot to land if you make a Leap of Faith from there."_

"Got it."

_"Think you've got the guts to do it?_ " a needling voice broke in.

Desmond rolled his eyes as he hauled himself up to the next ledge. "I've done this a few times already, Shaun," he snapped.

"Yeah, but you've never made a jump in an urban environment before, right? And a skyscraper's quite a lot higher up than an Italian villa."

_"Shaun,"_ Rebecca said in a warning tone.

"While the level of your confidence in me is _very_ encouraging," Desmond grunted as he swung over and landed on the roof, "I'll be fine. Just you watch."

_"All right, all right, break a leg then."_

Desmond could hear Rebecca smack Shaun's arm. Shaun's sarcastic jibes were hardly a new thing to Desmond, but for some reason this time he sounded strangely amused. Maybe even a little giddy, as if anticipating something exciting.

_Whatever._ Desmond made his way over to the north corner, catching a glimpse of the impressive city skyline at night as he walked. The air was cool and crisp, a welcome change as opposed to the damp and musty air within the Temple. Due to the darkness and sheer height of the building, it was impossible to clearly see the landing spot below.

He took his spot on the edge of the building and crouched down. The same motions he had done several times, and hundreds more within the Animus through his ancestors. A sharp breath, and Desmond pushed off, arms spread out straight. The Leap was always an incredible experience, simultaneously exciting and calming.

Then suddenly a thought occurred to Desmond.

"Rebecca?" he asked, still falling, slowly beginning to turn his body over in a somersault.

_"Yeah?"_ There seemed to be some hesitation in her voice.

"What exactly _is_ my landing spot?" The concern was rushing into his voice as he struggled to stay focused and in form. A few more seconds and he would be at ground level.

In the background, Desmond thought he heard Shaun snickering. Rebecca spoke awkwardly as though she were a child that had been caught stealing. _"Weeeell, uhh..."_

Street lights zipped into Desmond's peripheral vision.

"Dammit, Rebecca, what is it!?"

She did not reply in time-not that he would have been able to hear it anyway-as he crashed into an open dumpster.

It took a second for his mind to register what had happened. Then came the dirty green walls, the crumpling and snapping of papers and plastic wrap, the grimy boxes, slimy banana peels and wet coffee cups, and the overwhelming stench of discarded food and... whatever else was there that Desmond did not want to think about.

He emitted sounds that were a hybrid of horrified groans and shouts, while Shaun had broken into a raucous laughing fit.

"AAAAaaaaaarrrghhh!" Desmond yelled, cringing as he tried to sit up. "The hell, Rebecca!? A fucking _DUMPSTER!?_ " Shaun was still laughing uncontrollably, but Rebecca's suppressed, apologetic snort of a laugh only made matters worse. He had never wished it were possible to crawl out of his own skin more than at this moment.

"You both knew this and didn't tell me! Ohhh, I've got something in my hair- _fuck_ , that better be cinnamon bun icing!"

The laughter on the other end of the line erupted loudly again. When it finally died down, Shaun's voice came through.

_"Oh, that was so worth the wait,"_ he said breathlessly, still chuckling. _"You were right, Desmond, you sure aced that landing."_

"Dick," Desmond muttered under his breath as he pulled himself out of the dumpster. He swept the trash that came out with him as best as he could, but his revulsion was not so easily banished.

"I'm sorry, Desmond," Rebecca said, "But it did work, right? You're completely unharmed."

"Yeah, except for my clothes. This hoodie's covered in stains now."

_"Oh yeah, you're right filthy now,"_ Shaun remarked, the remote mobile camera hovering down to focus in on the disgruntled Assassin.

Desmond glared at the camera and stuck up his middle finger at it.

_"Well look on the bright side, this way you don't have to worry about being caught by Templar guards; you can blend right in with the homeless people on the streets!"_

"Fuck right off."

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not good at writing comedy, but I figured I'd try. :p This was also my first ever attempt at an AC fic as well. This was the first thought on my mind when I had learned that AC3 would have some city scenes with Desmond. :D


End file.
